remember me as a time of day

It’s spring in that we should be starting over again, but it’s spring in that everything is still dead.

It’s spring in that it’s fifty degrees outside, but it’s spring in that it’s only fifty degrees outside.

I got nuts to bust and butts to fuck and ups to shut and sluts to fucking uppercut.

http://terttlefer.com/

In 2001 my family got an addition on our house.  We blew out the back upstairs to give us another bedroom instead of a dilapidated crawl space.  It gave my parents a bigger bedroom with separate closets for each of them and separate reading lights.  The hallway was widened with in hopes that eventually the bathroom could be expanded.  I took the new bedroom since I was the oldest and at the time I had been sharing a room with my two younger brothers who preferred sharing a room.

I got scared at night, sleeping alone for the first time since my brother was born when I was only two.  I would make myself hear noises late at night and see things in the reflections of my windows that weren’t there, that shouldn’t be there.  I had the notion in the back of my head that my new room was once a mass grave or where the previous owners kept their secret feral child and fed him chicken bones.

I told myself that my room was just built.  There is no way something could be haunting it since I’m the first to have sunk my energy into it’s walls.

I told myself that the crawl space my room replaced was to small for bodies, too small for anything but some luggage and a broken down crib.

I came to the conclusion that when I was sad I would hear more things, see more reflections in the windows.  When I was sad my imagination ran rampant.  When I was sad my mind made mischief I couldn’t control.

I moved down to the bedroom on the first floor when my sister was old enough to realize she didn’t want sleep far from my parents and I took the bigger room on the first floor.  It hadn’t been added in the addition, it was old.  It used to be an office when the people who owned my house before lived here and then until my sister was born and we needed another bedroom.

I still hear things and see reflections in windows and sometimes my guitar strings will ring out by themselves.  The light on my desk that turns on when you touch the base used to turn on by itself so I unscrewed the lightbulb.

When I first met you

I was so impressed with

Your Lone Star tattoo

And what is means to be restless

But so soon I knew

That restlessness means forgetfulness means

Forgive me, my friend, for I am so sorry for this

And I grew more impressed with

We’re prone to fall apart

Eternally

And solitarily

With nothing to hold on to

So, if we’re prone to fall apart

Let’s make sure we’ve got one another

To pick up the pieces

That night in your room

Our fingers so restless

And I don’t if you knew what I was thinking

But it had something to do with not wanting to be alone

And, just this once, let ourselves be reckless

Cause, we’re prone to fall apart

Eternally

And solitarily

With nothing to hold on to

So, if we’re prone to fall apart

Let’s make sure we’ve got one another

To pick up the pieces

Another song in the second person

I don’t want to see you as that second person

When those initials just let go

And wash away

Remember when you said life was easy?

Well, what did you mean when you left me alone?

Remember when you said you’d miss

But I never saw you when you left home?

But I don’t blame you

It’s just restless leads to recklessness leads to a broken heart

And, sixteen year olds so far from home

And I thought I knew

How to keep us together when you wanted us to fall apart